Sweet Jesus, nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!
I wrote this particular piece on diamonds close to the beginning of my blogging career. It’s been two years since I started, so it deserves to be disinterred from the coffers of Why? Because Science and get some air!
Originally posted on Why? Because Science.:
Diamonds have been getting men out of trouble for hundreds of years. They have also been getting men into trouble for hundreds of years. So, what’s so special about diamonds? They’re really pretty. They’re really strong. They have a great pair of tits.
Sorry, that’s Lara Croft.
DIAMONDS are really pretty, they’re really strong and they’re really RARE. They are also the gemstone of choice when it comes to getting hitched because, just like Shirley Bassey sang, diamonds are forever.
Diamonds are Forever… No, Really! They Are!
Aside from their unparalleled resilience and durability, diamonds are spectacular-looking rock minerals. Cut into a complex and intricate array of facets and planes, their refractive light properties send out a kaleidoscope of colour which spans the visible light spectrum, even though the gem itself appears totally translucent and colourless.
What are diamonds? What are they made of? How are they formed?
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Welcome to the second installment of this two-part series on climate change, Climate Change™, global warming and the many degrees of human idiocy that have generally resulted in a cluster you-know-what of misunderstanding on both sides of the debate. It’s the aim of this blog to discuss just why it is climatologists believe human activity (particularly our industrial activity) has and is causing global weather patterns and characteristics to change. In Part 1, we set the scene and provided the context for our debate by defining some key concepts in atmospheric science. If you haven’t read Part 1, SHAME ON YOU! All the same, here’s what you need to know all wrapped up like a delicious lightly toasted and seasoned McDonald’s McMuffin McMeal.
Important Terminology from Part 1
Weather: The day-to-day expression of the atmosphere as it is experienced on the ground. Look outside your window: is it raining today? It is sunny? Are you and your dog Toto en route to Oz on a twister? That’s what weather is.
Climate: The average weather characteristics of a region over a minimum period of 30 years. If it’s summer where you are, what weather do you expect to see outside your window? Do you expect it to be rainy because you live in the tropics and during summer it pisses down every afternoon? Do you expect it to be sunny because you live in southern California and southern Californian summers are like totally freakin’ awesome, hashtag #beach, like, yesterday, like oh my gaad! OR do you expect to be hitching a lift to Oz on a twister because you live in Oklahoma, which is a veritable super highway for summertime tornadoes?
THAT, my friend, is climate.
Climate change: A significant and lasting shift in average global weather and global weather patterns, which can take place over a time period of decades to thousands of years. It can be caused by all sorts of things, from variations in solar energy and plate tectonic activity to volcanic eruptions and meteorite strikes.
Climate Change™: Significant and global scale changes in climate, weather patterns and characteristics caused by anthropogenic (human-originated) emissions of greenhouse gases. In other words, the stuff the movie “An Inconvenient Truth” was about.
Greenhouse gases: The atmospheric gases that absorb the thermal energy emitted by the sun and in doing so, contribute enormously to the warming of the lower atmosphere. Greenhouse gases include carbon dioxide, water vapor, methane, sulphur dioxide, ozone and nitrous oxide.
Great, now that you’re up to speed, let’s try to answer the following question…
Why Have We Buggered Things Up So Enormously?
The logic is simple. Greenhouse gases cause the warming of the lower atmosphere and because of this, they are very important to life on Earth. But, as it was mentioned in Part 1, too much of a good thing can be a bad thing. The persistent melting of Earth’s major ice sheets is direct evidence of the continued warming of Earth’s atmosphere.
Since the industrial revolution, when we discovered how to harness the energy released by burning coal, oil and other fossil fuels, the concentrations of carbon dioxide, methane, sulphur dioxide and other key greenhouse gases contained by our atmosphere have increased significantly. As each new discovery and development lead to the conception of newer and more sophisticated technologies, our output of greenhouse gases increased. Cars were once considered a luxury. Now, even beggars own Audis (true story; happened to me in Bahrain) and it’s not uncommon for the rich and famous to own more motor vehicles than they do teeth made from natural dental enamel and not gold.
The result of all the cars, industries, factories, refineries and other man-made technologies that require oil, coal, gas or petroleum is that we are relentlessly pumping out gases that are the by-products of burning fossil fuels. What I don’t understand is how anyone might expect this to NOT have an impact on our atmosphere and on its temperature characteristics.
Don’t The Forests And The Oceans Absorb CO2?
Yes! Plants, trees and other green things absorb CO2 at night, which definitely relieves the atmosphere of its burden of greenhouse gases. But look what we’ve done to them! What used to be verdant rainforest are now leveled, muddied and trampled pasturelands for cows. What used to be thriving woodland is now choked up with concrete, tar, brick and glass. There is only so much CO2 our dwindling green spaces can soak up.
What about the oceans? While they remain a massive sink (sponge, in layman’s terms) for CO2, the absorption of this greenhouse gas isn’t going without consequence. When you mix water and carbon dioxide, you get a weak acid called carbonic acid (H2CO3). And so, slowly, the oceans are becoming increasingly acidic. This is having a devastating effect upon the myriad of creatures whose shells are made out of calciferous compounds, from the beautiful coral reefs and their crusty citizens to Ariel the Little Mermaid, who will soon be swimming around topless without her bivalve bra.
The more greenhouse gases you pump into the atmosphere, the more enhanced their effect will be. What is their effect? Warming, in theory.
Natural Variability Versus Anthropogenic Climate Change
The most infuriating argument put forward by people who don’t believe that mankind is having any kind of affect on our climate is that any evident changes can be attributed to the natural variability of our climate system. While it is true that Earth’s climate has undergone some dramatic shifts in the past – the premise for the movie Ice Age wasn’t thumb-sucked – these changes occurred over a time period of many thousands, if not tens of thousands of years. Natural variability typically takes a very long time to happen and the effects brought about by events, such as volcanic activity and meteorite impacts tend to be localized.
What we know is that global temperatures have changed at an unprecedented rate and that this change began around the time of the Industrial Revolution, which was only a few hundred years ago. Not a few thousand. In other words, the rate of change of global temperatures is unprecedented and there is a clear connection with the increased anthropogenic emissions of greenhouse gases, like CO2.
In even plainer, perhaps somewhat vulgar English:
Denying climate change is like pooping in the toilet and denying the presence of a turd.
How Do We Know All of This?
Studying present and recent past climate has been made easier through the use of satellites, our vast array of ground weather stations and weather buoys. We have also developed the sophisticated computer software and modeling programs necessary to collate all of this data and provide us with a visual picture of climate, both past and present. But our historical records only date back a few decades, after which they become a little iffy to say the least. An appreciation of scientific rigor is something that was only cultivated towards the latter half of the 20th Century. So how do we know enough about historic climate to say anything about what’s normal versus what isn’t?
The answer lies in super deep deposits of ice, as one finds at the northern and southern poles, as well as borehole temperature profiles, deep layers of sedimentation and middens, which are accumulations of animal crap, urine, bones and shells in natural catchment areas. All of these and more reveal secrets about Earth’s history and in particular, the environment and the composition of the atmosphere at the time. By examining deep ice cores extracted from super-thick ice sheets at the poles, we are provided with a perfectly preserved timeline of the atmosphere’s carbon dioxide content (and other gases).
What we can tell from these sources is that natural variability is normal, but it happens slowly and that recent changes in atmospheric composition are happening at an unprecedented rate and are likely attributed to mankind.
If You Don’t Believe Me, Ask the IPCC
The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change (IPCC) is a global effort by climate scientists to present to the world and to world governments a robust and thoroughly researched report on global climate change driven by humankind. It’s essentially a document that is aimed at helping governments around the world understand and prepare their countries for the changes in weather patterns and characteristics that are anticipated as a consequence of climate change.
The opening paragraph reads:
“Climate Change 2013: The Physical Science Basis” presents clear and robust conclusions in the global assessment of climate change science – not the least of which is that the science now shows with 95% certainty that human activity is the dominant cause of observed warming since the mid-20th Century. The report confirms that warming in the climate system is unequivocal, with many of the observed changes unprecedented over decades to millennia: warming of the atmosphere and the ocean, diminishing snow and ice, rising sea levels and increasing concentrations of greenhouse gases. Each of the last three decades has been successfully warmer at the Earth’s surface than any preceding decade since 1850.”
You can read this and the rest of the report by clicking on This Link.
If You Don’t Believe the IPCC, Use Your Noodle
Anyone who has lived in a big to moderately sized city will know from personal experience that the climate in the city is typically different to the climate in the countryside. It’s hotter in the city during the day and it’s colder in the countryside at night. Generally speaking.
This is no accident… the type of land cover (vegetation versus concrete) influences how thermal energy from the sun is absorbed or reflected and this, in turn, has a great influence on average temperatures and temperature variation. The greater levels of pollution above a city also influence the temperature characteristics of the air. In fact, the greater number of small particles of dust, smoke and other pollutants in the air above cities can even cause clouds to form more readily, because these tiny particles offer water vapor a tantalizing surface around which they can condense.
None of this is a statistical projection spat out by some computer model and it isn’t the musings of some climate scientist pushing for government funding. It’s sound, solid fact and the kind of stuff you get taught in High School geography. THIS IS ANTHROPOGENIC CLIMATE CHANGE! Change brought about by human kind. It may be localized around major cities, but it is still noticeable to our skin and it is still change. The altering of the atmosphere’s temperature characteristics around our cities paints an irrefutable picture of how humans have changed climate.
Climate change on a global scale may be driven by different and/or more complex mechanisms, but to say that it is a natural, normal process that has nothing to do with our activity on this planet I find to be ridiculously ignorant. Tell me, do you enjoy sand in your ears? I think it’s dangerously erroneous to assert that we have not had an effect upon our environment, which includes the ground beneath our feet as much as it does the air above our heads… and in some people’s cases, in their heads.
Over the many decades since the Industrial Revolution, we have pumped billions of tons of carbon dioxide, methane, sulphur dioxide and other greenhouse gases into the atmosphere. We’ve changed tens of thousands of square kilometers of our planet’s essential land surface characteristics by leveling forests for agriculture and allowing livestock to raze grasslands to the ground. We’ve polluted water sources, wiped out thousands of different animal and plant species and pretty much made a total mess of our natural environment. We have had a definitive impact upon planet Earth and no one in his or her right mind can debate that point.
It has been the aim of this two-part series is to unravel the knotted, warped information we are fed by the media and help us regular folk better understand it: to see through the sensationalist claims to the logical, underlying science. Climate change has become a media buzzword and a vastly popular issue that has been the driving point of many political campaigns in first world nations (*cough*America*cough*). It has become a passionate, political issue and as a result, sides have been created: those who believe we’ve caused our climate to change and those who don’t.
What I want you to do is to look through all the bullshit of BOTH sides of the argument and ask yourself the following question: am I surprised that our ruthless industrial activity and atmospheric pollution has caused global climate to change?
Whether you trust what the scientists say or not, you simply can’t say no. And if you do, I challenge you to tell me why.
I don’t care whether it’s true or not…
Some statistics are as good for the body as they are for the brain. Remember this and you’ll graduate from the school of life cum laude.
In other news: Keep your eyes peeled next week for the second instalment of “Climate Change: A World Warming Up To The Idea“.
Beneath the fads, the fashion, the loud headlines, media threats and intimidating claims lies a totally rational story; the bare science of a shifting environment that, once explained, is simply irrefutable. You can be skeptical about going on a blind date or about eating Indian food before said blind date, but you can’t be skeptical about the fact that humankind has and is having a definite and permanent effect on the climate of our planet. That’s naivety at its worst.
In this blog post and the next, we’ll be taking a journey through the fancy terms thrown around by the media and redefine them to yield a totally new and more scientifically accurate understanding. We’ll come to appreciate what’s normal (historically speaking) and what definitely isn’t in terms of climate variability. We’ll also take a closer look at Earth’s atmosphere in order to get a better perspective on how our relentless and ruthless industrial activities are able to cause such significant global-scale changes in weather patterns and climate.
And so, let’s begin…
Weather and Climate: The Difference Between Them And So Help Me If You Don’t Remember This!
You know what sand is, you know what clouds are and you definitely know a week old breakfast burrito when you smell one. We know all of this because we are exposed to it just about every day (maybe not the burrito, but point made). And yet, in spite of the fact that we are directly exposed to weather and climate all the time, very few people actually know the difference between them.
That ignorance ends today!
Weather is the day-to-day expression of the atmosphere as it is experienced on the ground. It’s the warm sun beating down upon the beach, it’s the rain on your parade, it’s the tornado relocating your house and it’s the humidity causing you to sweat like George Bush Junior’s publicity team during a press conference. The weather encompasses a great variety of atmospheric parameters and they include things such as wind speed, wind direction, temperature, humidity and precipitation. All of these come together to either put a skip in your step or to totally ruin your day.
Climate, on the other hand, describes the average weather characteristics of a region over a minimum period of 30 years. Texas is hot and prone to severe thunderstorms in summer; New York is balmy and mostly clear in autumn, Cape Town is pissy and freezing cold in winter and Seattle is just pissy and freezing cold all year round. THAT’S what the climate is.
It makes my eye twitch when I hear people saying: “The climate is great today!”
Imma stab a bitch!
Climate Change Lost In Translation
“Climate Change™” has become celebrity verbiage to such an extent that I felt the need to add capitalize the first letter of each word even though it’s grammatically incorrect to do so. Al Gore has used climate change so much in his political campaigning in the past that he really should have trademarked it. And so, climate change has become so easily tossed about by the media that few people truly understand what it is anymore. It’s almost as though it has become totally divorced from its original and true meaning. The consequence of this and of the sensationalism with which the media presents its information on the science of climate is that the lay man and woman will look outside their window, see an unseasonably cold, wet, hot or windy day, blame it on climate change and become convinced that the end is nigh. You can catch these people on National Geographic Channel’s “Doomsday Preppers.”
Climate change is a complex concept because it pertains to the long-term characteristics of Earth’s atmosphere and the atmosphere is incredibly complex. It consists of several sort-of distinct layers, a multitude of parameters, countless variables and infinite outcomes based upon the precise interaction and behavior of these variables. This is why the weatherman doesn’t always get the forecast spot on: not because he or she is an idiot, but because true accuracy in that job is about as impossible as an adrenalin spike at a dentures convention.
And so, climate change is something that should be treated with great humility and reverence. Even I am reluctant to make any broad or sweeping statements with regards to climate change and I have a Masters Degree in Atmospheric Science.
Now that we know the difference between weather and climate and can appreciate that one day of unseasonable weather doesn’t mean the apocalypse is upon us, we can FINALLY get around to discussing exactly what climate change is. We can also meet its celebrity cousin, global warming, because believe it or not these two are NOT the same thing.
What IS Climate Change?
Climate change is a lasting shift in average global weather patterns and characteristics. This shift is also significant enough for us, our fancy equipment and, of course, Mother Nature to notice it and it usually takes place over a time period of decades to millions of years. What causes the climate of Earth to change?
All sorts of things actually!
Climate change has, historically, been caused by factors that range from variations in solar energy and plate tectonic activity to volcanic eruptions and meteorite strikes. Any one of these can cause local climate to change over varying periods of time. For example, a particularly violent and belchy volcanic eruption can release enough gas, dust and ash into the atmosphere to create gorgeous sunsets halfway around the world and deflect sufficient sunlight to cause very slight global cooling. It might not be much and the degree of cooling may be more isolated to the regions surrounding the eruption, but it is by definition climate change.
Changes in land surface type – what covers the crusty portions of our globe – can also lead to climate change. Dark verdant forests soak up sunshine like the delinquents from Mötley Crüe soaked up Jack Daniels, whereas concrete jungles, with all their reflective shiny surfaces sends sunshine right back where it came from. This changes the heat characteristics of the land, which, in the long term, has an impact on climate. So, climate change, in the traditional sense of the word, refers to any shift in local or global climate and it is caused by a myriad of factors. Climate Change™ on the other hand is believed to be the cause of the anthropogenic emissions of greenhouse gases.
Wait!! Come back!! I swear I can explain! It’s not as difficult as it sounds!
Greenhouse Gases: Baking the Lower Atmosphere Since, Like, Ever
The word “anthropogenic” quite simply means of human origin or to be generated by human beings. So, anthropogenic emissions of greenhouse gases would be those generated by human-related activities such as those clearly shown in the above picture.
Now what the hell are greenhouse gases?
Our atmosphere is composed predominantly of nitrogen (78,09%), oxygen (20,95%) and argon (0,93%). The remaining fraction consists of a soup of other trace gases, many of which are “greenhouse gases.” Carbon dioxide and water vapor are two super important ones; methane, sulfur dioxide, ozone and nitrous oxide are others. Molecules of these gases absorb the thermal energy emitted by the sun and they then re-radiate this energy as heat in all directions, including down upon our little heads. The effect this has upon the lower atmosphere is to warm it. This is why it’s referred to as the “greenhouse effect,” since green houses, which aren’t actually green at all, are purposefully built to achieve this same effect and in doing so provide a warmer growing environment for plants and flowers that would otherwise die from the cold.
In the absence of greenhouse gases, sunshine would pass through our atmosphere as per usual, except it would hardly be absorbed by the air at all and as a result, tits would be frozen off around the world. In fact, the greenhouse effect is a vital atmospheric process for life on Earth because without it, the average surface temperature of our planet would plummet by an approximate 30°C or 60°F. So, whatever average temperatures you’re used to in winter, knock off another 30°C or 60°F. You may as well live in Antarctica. Even midday at mid-summer in the tropics would warrant a warm sweater and a scarf. So, greenhouse gases are good! But, too much of a good thing is definitely bad, as tequila repeatedly demonstrates to me every Saturday night.
Thank God for amnesia or else I’d remember not to drink tequila every Saturday night.
Anthropogenic climate change is the change in global weather patterns and characteristics that have arisen as a direct result of human activity: our factories, our refineries, our agriculture, our motor vehicles and more.
Stay Tuned for Part 2
We’re getting there! Now that we understand the terminology and the concepts behind weather, climate, climate change and the greenhouse effect, we’re finally ready to discuss anthropogenic climate change and just why the skeptics out there – the people who tell you it’s all a hoax – are full of the proverbial.
There are few people on this planet who wouldn’t be able to recognize the iconic sound of the male humpback whale warbling, fluting and booming its sexy message to all the single ladies halfway across the Atlantic Ocean basin. Jessica Simpson is one of them and I’m assuming this is the case because she can’t even tell the difference between chicken and tuna.
Whale song is unmistakable. If you haven’t been lucky enough to have heard it for yourself while scuba diving, on board a boat or doing something in the ocean, then you most certainly would have heard it played on those obnoxious commercial CD’s titled “sounds of the rain forest” or “sounds of the ocean”: the ones played on a loop in massage parlors, beauty spas or your dentist’s office. The warbling of the humpback whale has also received its fair share of air time in one of the best creative endeavors to have come out of Pixar Animation Studios: The movie Finding Nemo.
Whale song has piqued the curiosity of humans for decades and for some strange reason, we seem to find it incredibly soothing, if not completely enchanting. Is it because some distant kernel of our consciousness understands or identifies with whale song? After all, whales are mammals and closer in relation to us than most of the creatures we share terra firma with. Or is it because we are simply fascinated with how effectively and beautifully they are able to communicate with each other through a great variety of distinct melodies?
Whatever the reason, we are not the only creatures on the planet to communicate by song, so remember that the next time you think you’re being original by sending your crush a mixed tape.
Why Do Whales Sing?
The answer to this question is multi-faceted, the biggest of these facets being for communication and for the location of food. The ocean is a dark, murky place and sharp eyesight wouldn’t do much other than help you to better examine the various bits of ocean algae and other detritus that float past your grapefruit-sized eyeball. It would be a waste of biological energy for whales to have good eyesight and Mother Nature deplores waste. It’s why subterranean cave-dwelling fish don’t have eyes at all. The book would be called 50 Shades of Black.
Smell is also not very useful, since molecules diffuse really slowly in water – way more slowly than they do in air. So, by the time a whale detected the scent of food, said food would already be dead from old age. Sharks, on the other hand, do have a good sense of smell, but this blog is about whales. Too bad.
And so, whales have developed a keen sense of hearing, as well as a fantastic set of pipes with which they pour their cetacean hearts out in an effort to communicate with other whales and to locate ill-fated morsels. Sound travels faster and more efficiently under water, which explains why knocking on the side of the bath with your head submerged under the water sounds like the approaching Tyrannosaurus Rex on Jurassic Park.
Toothed Whale and Baleen Whale Song
Whales belong to the order cetaceans, just like elephants are pachyderms, dogs are canines, cows are bovids and humans are idiots. There are two major sub-orders of whales and each produce different kinds of sounds. They are:
- The odontoceti: the toothed whales, such as Sperm whales and dolphins.
- The mysticeti: the baleen whales, such as the Blue, Southern Right and Humpback whale.
Let’s take a closer look at these two sub-orders and the varying sound tracks they produce:
The Odontoceti or “Toothed” Whales
The odontoceti could be said to be the tone-deaf rappers of the ocean; the terrestrial equivalents of which would be Kanye West or Snoop Dogg and all those other idiots who rely on Autotune to knock out a decent melody. Instead of singing, they make a series of fast clicking sounds and high squeaks, squeals and yelps. Just like your wife does when you try to sneak it in the backdoor.
I did NOT just say that.
The high frequency clicks are used primarily for echolocation. The sound waves produced by a dolphin travel through the water at great speed; approximately four times faster than in air. They then bounce off of objects, such as the ocean floor (boring), physical obstacles (avoid), fish (food) and other dolphins (I’ll shag you later) and return to the noise-making dolphin. The keen perceptions of this dolphin will tell it vital bits of information about its quarry, such as where it is, how fast it’s traveling, how big it is and in what direction it’s trying to escape.
Echolocation is a fundamental tool for many creatures, including dolphins and bats. And it’s exactly the same thing as sonar: you will be familiar with this if you’ve ever seen those action movies set on board a ship or submarine. The scene involves a sweating crew gathered around a console that glows an eerie green color and makes an eerie “ping-ping” sound that signifies the rapid approaching of some form of impending doom – like a giant sea creature or nuclear missile.
The odontoceti don’t only “sing” for food. They’re also fond of whistling and this is believed to be crucial for identification and communication with other whales or dolphins. At the tender age of four or five months old, in the case of bottle-nosed dolphins, every individual develops its own unique whistle; it’s very own business card, which will serve to distinguish itself from friends and family in the same pod. This can become very important in dolphin societies, which are notorious for their sexual exploits. Sometimes, dolphins even mimic each other’s whistles as a way of acknowledging each other, kind of like a signature handshake. How absolutely adorable!
Odontoceti have a structure in their heads that can be said to function very similarly to the human sinus cavity. This structure is known as “phonic lips” and toothed whales and dolphins use it to create sound by passing air through it. Just as the pitch of the sound produced by our larynx is controlled by vibrations (high frequency being high-pitched and low frequency being low-pitched), so too do the odontoceti produce sounds via vibration. These vibrations can also be controlled quite explicitly by the noise-making whale or dolphin, which explains how it is they’re able to produce distinctive patterns. Interestingly, with the exception of Sperm Whales, all odontoceti are able to produce two completely different sounds at the same time and this is because they have two sets of phonic lips.
I’ll leave the lewd joke-making up to your filthy imaginations.
The Mysticeti or Baleen Whales
The mysticeti, on the other hand, are the Mariah Carey’s and Celine Dion’s of the aquatic universe and while you may pretend to hate these songstresses in company, we all know that DAMN those girls can SING! Also, “Sweet Lover” is one hell of a tune and “All I Want for Christmas” is the best Christmas song, like, ever.
The mysticeti, known also as the Baleen whales, possess the same biological instruments as us humans do, which may account for their prettier songs than the Kanye West’s of the ocean. They have a larynx, minus the vocal chords. They also don’t have to breathe out in order to produce sound like we do. Instead, the Baleen whales recycle the same breath of air again and again in order to produce a continuous fluid song.
The interesting thing about all of this is that, beyond what I have explained, we appear to understand very little about how these whales physically produce sound. All we do know is what we have observed and that is that are certain repetitions and patterns present in whale song that makes it diagnostic of certain species and even individuals. You see, whale song is used very much like language and like human language and human music, their song has different dialects, themes, phrases, verses and choruses:
“Like musical notes or words in a human song, whales use about twenty syllables which include cries, chirps and yups, uttered in patterns called ‘motifs’. Two or three motifs make up a phrase, or line, and in turn, several of these make up a theme or verse. The songs are composed of several different themes and while the basic song is continuously repeated, the individual phrases can vary considerably in length, which means that each song can last nearly an hour. It was thought that each population of humpbacks had its own song, which remained constant but recent findings suggest that the whales appreciate a catchy tune and quickly adopt any new songs they hear.”
- Talking with Animals, Charlotte Uhlenbroek
So it would seem that the primary function of whale song in the baleen whales is communication, especially around that special time of year when the males get frisky. Whether this is to woo potential mates or to tell rival males to bugger off is the subject of ongoing research. I could tell you right now that it’s probably a combination of the two. Any hot-blooded male will know that where there’s an attractive girl, there are many other dudes you’ll need to convince to bugger off.
Whale Song Top 40 Global Hits
What is really cool about whale song is that all the individuals within a certain area will practically sing the same song. Like teenagers at a Justin Bieber concert, you will be hard pressed to find anyone singing a Tracy Chapman song.
Over time, however, this song slowly evolves to include new themes and these changes are picked up by all the whales in that area almost simultaneously. It’s like one long conversation and everyone is eavesdropping. How rapidly this change occurs is governed by absolutely no discernible constant. Some years, hydrophones record a fair amount of variation in whale song, while other years, one song will remain at the top of the charts for weeks and weeks on end.
Do whales sing for pleasure? While it isn’t really possible to scientifically test this notion, it is a charming thought. And wouldn’t we be arrogant to assume that we’re the only creature that sings for aesthetic reasons? I’d like to think so. So just as we might enjoy our Top 40 Hits, so too do the Baleen whales and even the odontoceti with their constant rapping, yapping, squeaking and fin-flapping.
Class Dismissed: Your Take-Home Message
To put it eloquently yet concisely, whale song is “probably the most complex [of all communications] in the animal kingdom,” according to Marine biologist, Philip Clapham. Even more complex than human communication? Considering how little we have been able to figure out about whale song, it is entirely possible. And to be honest, I absolutely love the fact that Mother Nature finds all sorts of ways to remind human beings that while we may be one of the most successful species on the planet, we are not necessarily the smartest, nor are we the coolest.
For those enquiring minds who really do want to know the answer…
Saturn is one of the largest planets in our solar system, in mass and size. It is known as a gassy giant because of its penchant for Mexican cuisine. I’m kidding. Because it is so massive and its gravity so great, that everything from giant space rocks to gass molecules were drawn in towards its centre at the formation of our solar system, approximately 4.5 billion years ago. If Saturn was just a little bit bigger (“a little bit” being an approximation for a whole lot), the intensity of its gravitational pull would have generated the central pressure and heat necessary to initiate nuclear reactions. And THIS would have made Saturn a star! The same applies to Jupiter, which is also a flatulant giant.
So, in other words, Saturn and Jupiter are failed stars… or that is what my astronomy professor always referred to them as.
Saturn’s rings are composed of orbiting particles of rocks and ice, some no bigger than snowballs and others the size of a bus, according to NASA’s fun cosmology website. Each of these particles, gargantuam and minute, are by definition moons, all in gentle orbit around the giant planet. They share this orbit with 63 other more “traditional” moons, the largest of which is the aptly-named Titan.
While it is unclear as to why all of this orbiting debris has accumulated into almost perfect geometric circles around the planet, the answer is suspected to lie in gravity. Over the many millions of years subsequent to the formation of the solar system (or seven days subsequent to creation), each particulate, snowball, moon and hunk of rock has had the time to settle into a position that reflects, in part, the force of attraction between itself and its giant parent planet. One might suspect that the larger, heavier particles will be arranged in belts closest to the planet, while the lighter and less dense particles will be in belts further away.
And you might suspect this because the force of attraction between two objects is proportionate to their respective masses and disproportionate to the distance between them. In other words, the heavier you are, the more attractive Earth finds you, which is why your bathroom scale groans every morning. You can refer to this spectacular blog entry for elucidation on this point: Gravity And The Laws of Attraction, Somewhat Revised.
This is precisely what I thought, but the picture is more complex than that. Each particle in orbit around its central giant – each particle of dust and each bus-sized space rock – is travelling at a certain speed. And while gravity acts to pull these particles in towards Saturn, they continue along a path that is perpendicular to it, rather than careening inwards. The force that propels these “moons” forward is called the centripetal force and you would have experienced that as a child when you were flung off a merry-go-round, because your douchebag brother seemed to think the word “stop!” meant “faster!”
Saturn’s rings are therefore organised into belts of particles that are travelling at different velocities. I have a very helpful reader to thank for this relevation and you will find his comment below.
And so, this gasy giant finds itself swathed in many beautiful, carefully arranged rings all consisting of particles, rocks, snowballs and moons travelling at varying velocities; trapped in an eternal dance around itself. Here’s something else: so does Jupiter and Neptune! The only difference is that the two latter planets’ bridal trains are thinner and far more translucent and so Saturn, with its ostentatious display, has become the planet in our solar system famed for its rings.
Reading material for next week’s blog post!
Originally posted on Why? Because Science.:
Here’s a bit of great news: no matter how ugly you are, scientifically speaking, you’re still attractive!
That doesn’t mean that the guy or girl you’ve crushed on for one year, eight months, 37 days, 12 hours and 33 minutes (who’s counting?) is going to jump into bed with you… but it does mean that your feet will always remain planted firmly on the ground. And this is because, to planet Earth, you are attractive.
Sir Isaac Newton’s Universal Law of Gravitation
I’m not being clever when I say you’re attractive, even though you could eat an apple through a tennis racquet with those teeth. I am being quite literal! Gravity is the force that holds everything to the surface of the Earth and it’s what makes even the lightest feather float teasingly towards the ground. A force of attraction exists between every single being and object on…
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You could have Jessica Alba’s skin, Scarlett Johansson’s lips, Mila Jovovich’s eyes and Angelina Jolie’s (ex) boobs… but if your breath could melt cement, you can ship your ass off to the other side of that bar, thank you!
A beautiful smile is perhaps the most cliché of all physical assets when it comes to what one considers attractive; that and hair and eyes. While there’s not much you can do to maintain beautiful eyes (besides cutting down on smoking herb) you can wash and brush your hair frequently and you can do exactly the same to your teeth. All your teeth need are regular brushing and flossing and the reward you enjoy is a beautiful white smile. This is something that Hollywood superstars spend a veritable fortune on.
Yet in spite of the glaringly obvious logic, oral hygiene doesn’t get the recognition it should and as far as attraction is concerned, I consider it key! Why? Do you have any idea what goes on in your mouth? It’s a writhing cesspool of bacteria!
Your Mouth: Pathogen Paradise
We share our world, our body and our mouths with billions of tiny microorganisms. Being a warm moist cavity, your mouth is an excellent environment for them because, just like Tiger Woods and Bill Clinton, bacteria love warm, moist cavities.
The proliferation of oral bacteria is fuelled by the sugar and food debris left in your mouth after eating a meal, or after sipping on a delicious, ice cold beverage. Mmmm, beer. But, just like everything else that eats, bacteria need to use the toilet too and the wastes they produce are not only acidic, they are also packed with sulphuric compounds. These – if you can recall that unfortunate incident in High School chemistry class, your mother’s nauseating flatulence or a visit to the local geothermal hot springs – smell very much like rotten eggs.
This, aside from the obvious onion and garlic-loaded meal, is what causes bad breath: bacteria poop.
In addition to using your teeth as their bathroom, bacteria are workaholics. Their wastes accumulate relentlessly on your tongue, teeth and gums between your efforts to keep them clean. If you ever wanted to see evidence of this waste, simply use your fingernail to gently scrape at your teeth, particularly at the margin between the gums. That white sticky substance that comes off is called plaque and it’s composed of alive bacteria, dead bacteria and bacteria poop.
Left in place for too long, plaque becomes tartar. Bacteria establish vast condominiums and apartment blocks, perhaps a school or two, a post office, library and police station ON your teeth. In other words, a far more permanent settlement and no amount of vigorous brushing can tear down these structures. To remove tartar, you need to see the dental hygienist who will get to work destroying the lives of gazillions of bacteria families, levelling schools, razing houses to the ground and basically bringing Armageddon down upon the pathogens inhabiting your mouth.
The Tyranny of Plaque and Tartar
Plaque and tartar are the reason dentists encourage you to brush your teeth more than just once a month. All it takes is a few hours for bacteria to coat your teeth in their gross mess and the acidity of it eats away at your teeth, which causes cavities. So, contrary to popular understanding, sugar, sweets and candy don’t cause cavities, bacteria do. But bacteria, like young children, LOVE sugar. It provides them with the energy to multiply faster (hopefully, not like young children). And so, people who eat a lot of sugar and refined carbohydrates will probably find themselves at a greater risk of cavities than those who eat healthily, like those annoying vegans and vegetarians who are out to make everyone look like sadomasochists.
The tyranny of bacteria poop doesn’t end there… being highly acidic, it also irritates the soft tissues in your mouth, particularly the gums, which become angry and inflamed in response. The medical terminology for inflammation is “itis” – think laryngitis (inflammation of the larynx), tendonitis (inflammation of a tendon), meningitis (inflammation of the brain)… and so, people with poor oral hygiene and a diet full of sweets, candy, alcohol and other delights tend to suffer from gingivitis (inflammation of the gums).
Then there’s periodontitis.
Periodontitis. Claiming Teeth and Killing Sex Lives Since, Like, Ever
Periodontitis is gingivitis on steroids. It’s what happens over the course of many years when you neglect to brush and floss your teeth frequently enough. It’s what happens when you compliment your deplorable oral hygiene routine with habits such as smoking, excessive drinking and a diet that is full of the wrong stuff and in severe shortage of the right stuff.
Periodontitis (peri – “around”, dont – “tooth”, itis – “inflammation”) is an aggressive bacterial infection of the gums and one that extends deep into the seemingly watertight spaces between the roots of your teeth and the gums that surround them. It does this by slowly destroying the ligaments and tissues that attach the gums to the teeth, thereby forming deep pockets in which oral bacteria are left to happily bonk (themselves), produce babies and poop to their heartless content.
At this stage in the infection, there is absolutely nothing you can do to redeem yourself, unless you can figure out how to get a toothbrush underneath your gum tissue to scrub your tooth roots clean, although I’m guessing that would be about as uncomfortable as the silence around the dinner table after your mom has accidentally discovered your vibrator.
So what’s the solution? What can people who have neglected their oral health do to be able to breath again without offending everybody within an appreciable radius?
Salivation, I Mean, Salvation
The good news is that if you have been diagnosed with gum problems such as gingivitis or, Gawd forbid, periodontitis, treatment is available! Also, you’re not alone. According to the Centre for Disease Control, a pretty shocking 80% of the population of America suffers with some kind of gum infection, be it localised or general, mild or aggressive. And you guys are supposed to be the most advanced nation on the planet? Pssshhh!
If you have been diagnosed with gum problems, you will just have to resign yourself to to the fact that you’re going to have to spend a couple of uncomfortable sessions in the dentist’s chair. You might even be referred to a dental specialist known as a periodontist. What’s the difference? Periodontists sit back in their chair with a calm demeanour and steepled fingers in a way that only those who charge a disgusting amount of money for 15 minutes of their time can do.
I want to be one of those people one day.
Periodontists also focus their efforts on treating conditions, infections and diseases that affect the gum tissue and bone surrounding the teeth, much like a cardiovascular surgeons focuses on treating conditions, infections and diseases that affect the heart. The good thing about opting for timely treatment is that the alternative is tooth loss and a sloppy, gummy smile that is guaranteed to end your sex life for good.
Dental treatment may cost a fair penny and it may not be the most pleasurable sensation in the world having your gums peeled back from the roots of your teeth to clear out all the muck, bacteria and other gross things you’ve been harbouring there since you decided to quit your oral hygiene career and instead become a couch potato. When you consider the outcomes of this kind of decision, I find it difficult to believe that anyone would make any other choice. But there IS another choice short of ignoring how disgusting you’ve allowed your mouth to become and it’s a revelation of epic proportions. It will blow your mind! It will change your life forever!
Just ask any pregnant teen. But, first make sure they aren’t of the Mormon persuasion, because I believe teen pregnancy is quite normal to them.
Prevention is better than cure and this may be the boring part because it reminds you of every conversation you’ve ever had with your dentist. By brushing your teeth at least twice a day, by flossing before you go to bed at night EVERY night and by visiting the dentist once per year to have your teeth professionally cleaned and your oral health assessed, you can prevent yourself from falling victim to gross diseases like gingivitis and periodontitis. You can prevent the build-up of bacterial poop on your pearly whites, gums and tongue, thereby helping to keep your breath tolerable, rather than smelling like a geothermal vent.
This is a good thing because if you enjoy kissing people of the opposite sex (or same sex; no one’s judging) then the clean breath associated with a healthy mouth is a MUST. Like I said right at the start, you could be a vision of smouldering hotness, but if you have the kind of mephitic breath that is befitting of the family lavatory after Mexican food night, I would literally rather make out with Rosie O’Donnell.
Class Dismissed: Your Take-Home Message
In this horribly germophobic society we live in, there is this ridiculous paradox: the same people who go out of their way to NOT touch the stairway banister or escalator railing in the fear of contracting the Ebola virus, will go to bed without flossing their teeth. The same people who shower two or even three times a day and insist on changing their bed sheets every week haven’t seen the inside of a dentist’s office since they had their braces removed at the age of 14.
There are three integral components to maintaining good oral health and they are so easy, there’s absolutely no excuse for not doing them: (1) brush two to three times a day for two minutes at a time, (2) floss every day before you go to bed at night and (3) see your dentist and oral hygienist at least once per year. There’s nothing more attractive than a healthy smile. Also, you’re not a shark. You only have one chance at permanent teeth, so look after them!